Tenpasenta.org Europes Premier Church.
COFFINS
Premium Funerals
 Tenpasenta estate south The vicar
We must buy the water we drink; our wood can be had only at a price, that's a retail price to you.
PREMIUM
Keep looking, if you want this go to my budget page.

 

Rip off
Er...Flowers
The Cheapskate £999
BuryBurnSea
The Rip off £1,999
BuryBurnSea
All prices include standard Bereavement Tax of only 300% or more.
Reinforced

 

 

Looks the job, but it's all fake, keep looking
not too cheap not too expensive, our most popular model, but the brass is still plastic and has a chipboard base.
The Fatso£2,999
BuryBurnSea
The Brassy £1,999
BuryBurn
The Laminate £1,999
BuryBurn
The Laminate, a posh look that costs us less.
Ark of the Covenant

 

Fully fitted Bling Coffin.
The Just right £1,999
BuryBurnSea
The Ark £2,999
Bury
The Bling from £6,999
BuryBurn
CELEBRITY
The Dickinson, old wood at a new price.
The Fiennes, expedition range.
The Dickinson £2.999
BuryBurnSeaHot
The Fiennes £2,999
BuryBurnNew
The Carradine

Taylor, based on the Cleopatra movie.
The Carradine £3,999
BuryNew
The Taylor £4,999
BuryBurnSea
the Madagascar range
Blaine
The Marty, part of our Madagascar range £4,999
BuryBurn
The Blaine £4,999
BurySea
Whicker
The Sarah Jane
The Whicker £4,999
BuryBurnSea
The Sladen £7,999
BuryBurnSeaHot
Alexander McQueen
The Jackson
The McQueen £25,999
BuryBurnNew
The Jackson £175,999
Bury
SALE
70% OFF! Honest!
 WAS £100,000
The James Dean
The Dean BuryBurnNew
NOW ONLY £30,999!
WAS £50,000 Mark the vicar
overpriced to the end
The Jobs BuryBurnNew

Get your hands on these bargain coffins today!

Sale ends when DFS end theirs, maybe never.
NOW ONLY £49,999
HANDLES
Style 1 Handle 2
The Drab The Gloomy
Remember to embellish your chosen premium coffin with some premium coffin handles.
Only £30 per bag of 60! What you do with any left overs is up to you.
OFFER

When buying your Premium multi-thousand pound coffin, you will qualify for a pure nylon coffin liner worth about £25, it may be cheap but it is out of sight.
Qualifying for this great deal means you can buy that cheap bottle of Champagne you noticed in Spar.
If you qualify for this fantastic offer it can only be used for this liner, not a £25 discount off the good stuff.
Liner, real nylon.
FREE
ROADSHOW
AMERICAN CASKETS Truck display area
With American Caskets becoming far more popular with the dying public, we have decided to run a nationwide advertising and casket display truck to visit every city in England.
After finding out the vast mark ups on these luxury looking coffins, it would be a fool who didn't try to sell them to grieving fools.
Most Americans have their posh looking and expensive caskets buried within a very expensive vault, depending on the price from world destruction to air tight.
When caskets and vaults become common place in the UK you can guarantee we will be at the forefront. We have put to one side a large area ready for 200 standard concrete vaults, lay 'em out, cover them with grass, and your ready to start, easy and very cost effective. Now to get selling!
VIEW
Bereavement Tax included

Our complete coffin range (except the Jackson) is available to view at our funeral sales office, and we're sure you will agree the quality is well worth the meagre 350% standard Bereavement Tax added to all of our funerary products.
We would like to offer a wider range of coffins, but to be honest we get a good discount from our current Chinese supplier and can't be arsed to look around.
 
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